The Most Wonderful Time of Year?

It’s that time of year again. The time when we fold up our shorts and t-shirts, bring out the pants and jackets, and settle in for several months of refusing to leave the house until the need to run the defrost in the car has passed.

Winter is a bleak, less-than-favored time of year for me and many other people who have asked that their names be left unmentioned. I think that the founding fathers —not the Washington, Jefferson, or Franklin type, but the ones that laid the framework and schedules for our seasons— anticipated the lack of popularity for the winter season and, therefore, stacked all the best holidays in those months in an effort to even things out. The only problem with this is, they left January and February wide open with nothing to look forward to but Groundhog Day —which really isn’t a holiday at all. It's just a little rodent’s opportunity to rub several more agonizing weeks of coldness in our frost-bitten faces.

I once expressed my loathing for winter to an acquaintance of mine. This person is what many people refer to as a “ski bum,” which, essentially, is someone who has trouble holding down a job, has less-than-stellar hygiene, frequently asks to borrow money for bus fare, and wears snow pants all year long. In fact, come to think of it, the only actual difference between a ski-bum and a street-bum is the shopping cart and accordion. As I lowered the gates and let loose with a flood of reasons explaining my lack of fondness for the frosty season —general coldness topping the list— this perceptive and wise person responded with a piece of advice designed to help me cope. His exact words were, “Maybe you could take up snowboarding.” I turned around and walked away. I was bored with the conversation anyway.

I didn’t always detest winter. I remember, as a kid, looking forward to snow, sledding, and snowball fights. But, with each year I age, my flare for winter and its wintery wonders seems to melt. Now I understand why St. George, Scottsdale, and pretty much all of Florida are such popular destinations for old people. Although, that still doesn’t explain dinner at four in the afternoon or driving with the left blinker on. I expect by the time I reach retirement age, I won’t even like opening the freezer anymore.

So, unless I decide to uproot my family and move somewhere closer to the equator, I guess I will just have to come to terms with the unavoidable turn of seasons. It’s only a few months of excruciatingly miserable coldness. On the positive side, wrapping up in several layers of sweaters and blankets on the couch doesn’t sound all that bad. I suppose the biggest obstacle will be finding something to occupy my time until summer returns.

Maybe I could take up snowboarding.